In heaven we'll meet again...

so after bleeding and doctors appointments I found out this afternoon that my hormone level dropped from a 385 to 104 and my level should have been at least at a 770 so they think that I am miscarrying this baby...

they think because I got the IUD out April 16th and was pregnant by may 1st that the lining of my uterus was just not sticky enough to hold a baby so when it grew it tore off because the IUD thins the lining of your uterus to avoid pregnancy. so they said a month after a period it will be back to normal...

Hearing the doctors say "you've lost the baby" like you've lost your keys was the strangest thing to me... I was hearing the words but not believing a word of it. It felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest at that very moment... I fell apart sobbing. I kept saying that I did everything right how could this have happened... and there was nothing the doctor could have said that would have made anything better or different but at that moment I needed some sort of answer... I am not sure what I was hoping to hear but I needed something.

I go back tomorrow for more blood work... to have to keep re-living this nightmare seems like slow torture and I am having anxiety just thinking about going there tomorrow. I don't even know what to do with myself I can't stop crying... I went to bed early last night and woke up and as soon as I opened my eyes I started sobbing again. A part of me wanted to wake up and realize that this was all just a bad dream that it wasn't real but the reality hit me like a brick wall this morning. I crept out of bed at 5am when the house was dark and quiet and sat on the couch crying. I feel like a part of me has been taken away and to have no control over it is the worst part. There was nothing I could have possibly done to save our baby and that is the worst part. As a mother you always have that control of having some sort of control and what that control is taken away it's an awful feeling.

I think today I am going to go food shopping with my daughter and bringing a three year old to the market is often stressful but I need that time with her to quiet my mind for a bit and to keep busy. I think keeping busy is going to be the only way to pull through this. I don't know what else to do honestly... I am hurting... I feel depressed... I feel defeated and I feel broken. How am I ever going to move forward completely? I am not sure...

I was online this morning and found this tattoo that I think I am going to get in memory of the baby we just lost. This baby will always be a part of me and my husband and I will never forget our little angel that was taken too soon.

Pregnancy Stress...

The miracle of pregnancy is a beautiful thing... but the stress that comes with it is awful. Every little ache and pain you worry about... you often wonder if you should call your OBGYN or not or if you just acting crazy paranoid and should just go lay down.

The internet is an awful place for a paranoid mama, you read all these horror stories and before you know it you have your mind believing that what is going on is so much worse than it is. So a word to the wise to all you mama's out there call your OBGYN before you go surfing the web to find that that you are now beyond paranoid and instead you have graduated to complete psycho of paranoia, it truly only takes seconds for that to happen... just long enough to type in whatever pain you are feeling.

being pregnant is a daunting task and you sit and wonder for 9 (really 10) long months if your baby is okay. Not only that but then there is the remembering to take the prenatal vitamin, eating right,not eating too much carbs, keeping your sugar low, keeping your stress down <--- and that one is the best one! Yeah right!

Well this mama needs to go put her feet up before she has to run out to pick up her munchkin at pre-school so I will talk again later.

-Amy

5 Weeks Along!

So after my appointments today they doctor pin pointed my pregnancy as 5 weeks along so they guesstimated a little high but with an ultra sound and internal exam they were able to figure it out today. Baby is doing alright and so is mama, just gotta take it easy to get through this first trimester and then I will be less stressed, that's for sure!!

So far I am just really tired and my back hurts a bit but I am able to do normal activities. Morning sickness comes and goes but it hasn't been too awful. Being pregnant this second time it different considering I can't just relax whenever I need to or want to with a toddler running around. But I am managing the best I can, I am starting to make her help me with things around the house since she will need to do more of that once the baby is here.

I have given up soda completely and have been only drinking mostly water and lemonaid on occasion to keep my super down since the last time I was pregnant I had diabetes while pregnant so I am just trying to keep my sugar down so that *hopefully* I don't have to deal with that again. But if I do deal with that again it wasn't awful just diet changes which I have already put into place just in case and having to test my blood sugar throughout the day.

I went and bought glucose tablets while I was away on our weekend getaway because yet again I got really dizzy on Saturday night and felt like I was going to pass out and my husband gave me lemonaid to drink that I had and I instantly felt better so I know like last time I was pregnant I have an issue with my blood sugar dropping suddenly and so I am keeping glucose tablets in my purse from now on just in case.

well this mama was told to rest so I am going to go do that I will update as much as possible!

-Amy

Hello Bathroom...We Meet Again!

I went to the laundry mat last night with mom to do laundry and I was only there for 2 hours and used the bathroom 9 times! 9 times! I couldn't go more than 20 minutes without having to run back in and so it begins. My husband and I are leaving for Connecticut this evening for a weekend away to celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary. It takes one hour and 15 minutes to get there and I have a feeling we are going to have to make many stops along the way and its going to take us at least 2 hours LOL if my urges were like last night. oye!

I can feel my body changing now which is really cool. Yes, I get achy and sore and tired easy but I wouldn't trade this with the world. I truly love being pregnant and I am sad knowing that this will be my last pregnancy since hubby and I have decided on only 2 kids. But we are not going to do anything permanent just in case so I am just getting the IUD again after this baby is born.

Morning sickness has been tough but I am managing. I am finding eating smaller portions or healthier foods has helped and sucking on hard candies has been wonderful and seems to get rid of that sick feeling I get. The last time I was pregnant I had morning sickness for the first 3 months so hopefully this will taper off sooner than later so that I can enjoy my pregnancy.

I am looking forward to getting away for the weekend, it's much needed and will be nice to have time with just hubby and I, we haven't taken a trip just him and I since before our first child was born and that was over 3 years ago. It's crazy how fast time flies... Almost 7 years ago I was getting ready for my wedding and now we are only 3 years away from our 10 year anniversary vow renewal, which we are excited about!

Well, I have packing to finish for the weekend and homework to do and cleaning to finish up on so I am going to run, I hope everyone has a wonderful day!

-Amy

Morning Sickness...

Morning sickness has been pretty rough but some days are better than others. Yesterday I felt pretty good most the day until the evening but today I don't feel good. I have found sucking on hard candy has helped to curb that sick feeling. It's a strange feeling at the beginning of your pregnancy, you have this little pouch that forms a little lower than your belly button that feels heavy and strange (it's where the baby is) so you start to feel the weight of the sack and the fluid filling it and the placenta weight as well. It's just a strange feeling at first but it's the first sign of baby and it pushes out your stomach a bit giving your first little baby bump!

Here is my first belly photo!!



It's funny when your pregnant because once you set your mind to a particular food that you want, you wont accept anything else. Like last night I just had to have chips and salsa which is funny because I craved nothing but Mexican food for my first pregnancy so I wonder if it will be the same???

Things going on with me so far... limp hair, sore chest, heaviness in lower abdomen, lower back pain, pale, tired all the time and frequent trips to the bathroom.

Pregnant With Baby #2!

On May 30th 2013 I found out I was expecting baby #2! We started trying for baby #2 on April 16th and my doc thinks I got pregnant either right after I got my IUD out or the beginning of May!! I go June 25th for my 1st prenatal appointment and I couldn't be more excited! I am so over the moon happy that we conceived so quickly! I went to the doctor to do blood work to confirm the results the very same day my at home pregnancy test said positive and 30 minutes later the doctor called and said "Congrats! Your having a baby!" I was so happy when the test came back positive at home but when I heard those words "Congrats! Your having a baby!" It became so real and I was so overjoyed that I started crying as I was sitting on the beach with my daughter.

This second pregnancy has already started to be different from the first... I am sick sooner, I have a small bump sooner, and my clothes are not fitting sooner. They say that your 2nd pregnancy is much different than your first and that you typically show a month sooner than your first pregnancy. I showed at 12 weeks with my first child and we are approaching the 2nd month mark and I have a tiny defined bump that my husband noticed before I did the other day. My doctor said I am 4 to 7 weeks along and I will know exactly how far along I am once I go to my first prenatal appointment June 25th

I am looking forward to knowing if we are having a boy or a girl this time around but I will be happy either way with a happy, healthy baby! And we have already picked a zoo theme for the nursery!!

Motherhood...

Hi! It's been about three months since I came on here... I decided to take a break from this for multiple reasons, but I'm going to do a quick update now. Josephine was born on March 23rd @ 6:54pm she weighed in at 8lbs 7oz. Josephine is almost two months old now and she is a wonderful baby! She is sleeping 4 to 6 hours at a time right now... eating 5 oz. of formula and barely cries or fusses. She has started to coo and do baby talk which is so cute! She has also been rolling on her side attempting to roll over, she gets so proud of herself when she rolls on her side. She has the most beautiful and cutest smile that melts my heart every time And She is holding up her head for the most part now.

We go on family walks every single day since Josephine was born, it's great for her to get fresh air and good for us to get out of the house! We're not some of those crazy people who wont go out of the house for three months. There is no reason to do something dumb like that. Her doctor says it's better to get her out and into main stream where germs are so she can build an immune system, she said babies that go nowhere have a lot more trouble fighting germs and so... if it's bad weather we head to a mall, which we have been to all of them in the area lol but on the nice days we go to the park, the zoo, my moms neighborhood,battleship cove, etc. Josephine loves going on walks in her stroller! And it's a great work out :) I have now lost 30 lbs in 7 weeks! Which is awesome! I feel so much better. And I couldn't be happier!

I just celebrated my very first mothers day, I had the very best day that I will never forget. I have my beautiful daughter, my mom and my husband to thank for that, Bob and Josephine got me a mothers necklace with Josephine's birth stone in it and mom made me a mold of Josephine's feet to hang on the wall. I love being a mom and I couldn't ask for anything more. Bob and I are already talking about having another in a couple of years. We love being parents. I have fallen in love with Bob all over again watching him be a father to our daughter. He is so great with her, and can't get enough of her. There are many nights that I sit and watch her sleep...I just love her so much.

At the moment Bob and I are planning Josephine's baptism in June! Mom is making Josephine's baptism dress out of the left over satin from my wedding dress, which I think is really special. She is also being Baptized in the same church Bob and I were married in, which again is special to us.

I have learned the art of finding sales on children's clothes... and have been buying clothes from 6 to 9 months to 18 months right now... I have a tote full of clothes for her to grow into. She has plenty of clothes from newborn to 3 to 6 months from my baby shower... 3 to 6 months she actually has so many clothes that I can't fit any more on bottom bar in her closet lol. the top bar is newborn to zero to three months sized clothes.

We are also going on our first family vacation in July! Which we are all looking forward to! I'll be packing Josephine's two cute swimsuits for that vacation!! :D It's awesome that I have six months off from work to spend with Josephine and Bob, I'm so thankful for the time I have with both of them.

Life as a mom has been a very easy transition! I love every single moment of motherhood. I am happy that I have filled my life with people that love Josephine, Bob and I and gotten rid of "toxic people" who try to bring us down. Life has been so peaceful and happy now because of that.

It's funny... once you become a parent, you totally forget about what you life was before... I would never want to go back to my life before Josephine... because she has made it so much brighter. I love my family. :)

Well, peanut is waking up... so I've gotta run. Talk again later.

-Amy