It's Only Been A Week...

On Friday I went to the doctor... laid on the very same table that I got my first glance of our baby a few days prior and this time they were making sure our baby was gone. I laid on the table with tears streaming down my face... It didn't seem fair at all and all I wanted to do was run screaming in the other direction. But they said that there was no damage done to my uterus and that we can start trying for another baby right after my next period cycle. We are anxious to try again... but now a part of me is terrified of going through this again. I think I will be scared till I deliver a healthy baby and once we do we are done having kids, 2 is plenty for us.

It has now been a full week since we lost our baby... it seems like it's been months... time is dragging on so slowly and waiting a month to try again seems so far away right now. I have made it through a couple days now without crying but I have been on the verge a couple times now... I just want to feel better more than anything. I truly feel like I am just going through the motions of life and trying to do normal things but I often feel like I have to force myself into doing normal things. But leaning on my friends who have been there has been a good thing and they have been so supportive as I have been going through this.

It amazes me how many people don't acknowledge their miscarriage or anyone else's. For so long talking about having a miscarriage was almost unspeakable. But now a days it's so important to speak out and make the world aware that they are not alone in this. If I learned anything since having my miscarriage it's that so many people I am friends with have gone though this, and that is something I didn't know about most of them. It's almost like unspeakable pain but I am a person who needs to talk about things and to get those feelings out and I wont stay quiet. And no matter when you lost your baby... 5 weeks, 6, weeks, 10 weeks, 20 weeks, 40 weeks... you still lost your baby and that baby and pregnancy deserves to be acknowledged. I have no respect for anyone who pretty much makes you feel badly for grieving and tells you it wasn't a baby because you were early on. I mean, how heartless is that statement and how wrong! I have cut my ties from people who have been rude like that to me. Why should I put my feelings out there to them when they don't truly care?

I found this video that I found really comforting http://pinterest.com/pin/27021666484554780/

Well, I've gotta run... talk again later

-Amy